The Secret Diary of .. party leaders on the Test Match

Christopher Luxon
Can the ABs beat the Boks in South Africa on Sunday?
Okay well this is one question that I am happy to answer and I will give it to you straight from the hip with no shillying nor any shallying for that matter because it’s an important issue and like any important issue it needs to be addressed decisively in a way that tells it like it is in language that everyone can understand while remaining respectful of other people’s boundaries and acknowledging that everyone has a stake in a whole set of challenges that affect the country as a whole and by whole I mean all its diversities of culture and language that have to be taken into account but not in a manner that excludes anyone else in the equation which I am happy to contribute to as the Prime Minister whom people have every right to look to for a way forward so we can all enjoy a future together, and that’s why I called All Blacks coach Scott Robertson, and said, “We’re looking forward to the ABs delivering a set of deliverables that will take root and come to pass.”
He said, “Yeah cheers.”
Chris Hipkins
Can the ABs beat the Boks in South Africa on Sunday?
Look, I’m not sure I’m able to answer that question right now. As you can see, I have my feet up, and I’m enjoying a bit of quiet time. People have a narrow view of politics. They think it’s all about addressing things that matter. Well, I can see the sense in that, but I’m no fan of either the argy nor the bargy that seems to come with the territory. Have you studied Zen? In many ways I am more of a student of Zen that I am the leader of the Opposition. Zen is about finding your inner core. Let the world go about its business. Let Mr Luxon and Mr Seymour and Mr Peters govern as they see fit. Who am I to bark at the passing cars of their ideology? So I will sit here, fanning myself, and remain clad in this robe, and these slippers, and sleep when I feel the need to sleep – which is often, and deeply. But to return to your topic, I can confirm that I called All Blacks coach Scott Robertson, and said, “All things must pass.”
He said, “Yeah okay.”
Rawiri Waititi
Can the ABs beat the Boks in South Africa on Sunday?
I called All Blacks coach Scott Robertson, and lectured him, “Te Pāti Māori has issued a Declaration of Test Match Independence, anchored in tikanga and kawa, to determine the oranga of our people, our mokopuna the land and te iwi Māori katoa.”
He said, “Yeah whatever.”
David Seymour
Can the ABs beat the Boks in South Africa on Sunday?
I need to speak to an employment lawyer before I answer that, but I can confirm that I called All Blacks coach Scott Robertson and said, “The truth is we all have equal rights and have to live under New Zealand laws.”
He said, “Yeah right.”
Chlöe Swarbrick
Can the ABs beat the Boks in South Africa on Sunday?
I need to await a High Court judgment before I can answer that, but I can confirm that I called All Blacks coach Scott Robertson and said, “It feels as though we are not even operating from a basis of the same facts when we’re trying to discuss let alone debate things.”
He said, “Yeah who is this?”
Winston Peters
Can the ABs beat the Boks in South Africa on Sunday?
Yes. Cheers.